shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
