Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
