just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
