You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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