Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
