I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
