you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
