Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
