My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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