Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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