Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She told me I should be a condom model.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
