girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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