alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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