dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
are you so shy because you have an std?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
