the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
