Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
