I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
