I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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