Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
