There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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