sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I queefed so loud it echoed.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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