Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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