the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
