And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
