Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he shaved USA in his pubs
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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