in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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