Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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