i can't believe i had my finger in that
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
