i would punch a child for taco bell
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
