bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
