I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
