Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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