So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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