Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
