when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
