turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
