Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
