Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
