Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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