I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
