I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
