I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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