They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
