There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
