He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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