Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
