It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
