Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
