its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
