Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
